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[Monday
October 4th, 2010 at 10:56am] |
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[Sunday
March 1st, 2009 at 6:51pm] |
museum of modern art conservation staff meeting:
sculpture conservator #1: what's the status of the moth larvae on the wool jephson robb piece?
sculpture conservator #2: we've been vacuuming the piece every week to reduce the presence of larvae, but moth infestation is a constant problem with textile pieces in this museum.
sculpture conservator #1: the cafe is next to one of the galleries, so when people leave they brush crumbs off of their coats and scatter them around the museum. the moths are attracted to food particles and then they begin to eat through the textile pieces. we need to reduce the presence of food particles in the galleries.
paintings conservator: i just saw a pepsi machine being installed in the second floor gallery.
sculpture conservator #1: actually, that's a work of art....
sometimes i don't get modern art.
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[Sunday
March 1st, 2009 at 4:05pm] |
joe came to visit smith this weekend and i obviously gave him the grand tour of downtown aka we pounded two bottles of sake at osaka, du pont beer at the dirty truth, a bunch of shots at the owl, and whiskey sours at packard's. and obviously pranked a bunch of kids from back home. we prank called this girl our friend is dating who might win the grand prize at tool academy. i impersonated sarah palin and said the republican party misses her and was willing to overlook her joe biden internship because of her years of valuable service to the party.
maybe people just don't understand my sense of humor? but we definitely got a phone call from a police department in delaware saying that i had "THREATENED TO KILL HER SEVERAL TIMES." and she is going to get a restraining order and sue me! if being hilarious is a crime i am obviously guilty and you can lock me up and throw away the key. i hear filing false police reports is kind of frowned upon, but then again everything i know about the legal system i learned from hip hop lyrics.
let's be real about the legal system. my $300,000 private education was paid for in cash. i'm not struggling to pay $28,000 in state financial aid tuition at a state school. go ahead and lawyer up. i didn't pass the bar or anything but i'm pretty sure lawyers don't a) argue cases of prank calls vs humorless college girls or b) accept the university of delaware's financial aid package as compensation. oh and c) is anyone even shocked that i am being classist when i'm clearly at fault for thinking prank calls are still funny in my twenties?
in conclusion:
a) i am so funny it is ILLEGAL
b) officer fun police reported for DUTY
c) prank calls are not funny after middle school?
d) just kidding, sarah palin jokes are still funny
e) joe mccool fell down and peed in a trash can
in other LEGAL NEWS, i am going to sue mama iguana's for copyright infringement. just so you know, it is not a FLIRTINI. it is a RORY GILMORE and it has been my signature drink since my twenty first birthday party. maybe i will just sue them. i expect the COMPENSATORY DAMAGES to be awarded in the form of vodka, champagne, pineapple juice, and grenadine. i will also accept pomegranate margaritas in lieu of punitive damages.
obviously i do not usually spend my weekends frequenting bars and mocking the judicial system, but miss lady and i both had out of town guests and somehow i don't think they would have been impressed with my tendency to pace around the front porch smoking cigarettes and talking to myself about literary parataxis and ernest hemingway. i am the most boring person ever. we took a walk around smith campus and i prattled on about my favorite books in the rare manuscript collections. i should probably just start giving rogue tours of smith to anyone who will listen.
speaking of boring things no one except me cares about, i was looking through the database at my internship and discovered we have more than two hundred walker evans photographs at the museum. several of them were donated by the farm security administration after he documented american life during the great depression. he hid a camera in his pocket on new york city subways and photographed a series of portraits and i am kind of obsessed with them. i proposed an exhibition to my american studies professor and he said it was an "exciting and significant project". waking up at 4:30 in the morning and commuting from massachusetts to manhattan to intern at the museum is entirely worth it for the database access alone. i am pretty sure anyone who actually read this entry probably wants to kill themselves right now.
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[Tuesday
October 14th, 2008 at 5:04pm] |
I will be speaking at the presentation of the Archaeology Department. I am sure everyone will be really interested in how I spend my free time digging in the dirt, building fences, finding teeth, figuring out the difference between materials by licking them, and discovering that I am more interested in the cultural remains of people I've never met than the flesh and blood of absolutely anyone around me.
I never have anything to say. Or I have plenty of things to say, but I say them out loud to myself while I pace around the front porch and convince myself that I will make myself go back inside in "two more cigarettes." If the Maya can measure time cyclically, I can probably justify measuring it by Camel Lights.
I am back at Smith after a summer of fixing trails in the mountains, working on an archaeological dig at the seashore, and conserving art on an island. I work at City Hall and an art museum, and I am happy touching blue prints and frames and gesso and architectural documents and never having to interact with anyone. In January I will be moving to Minnesota for a month to do more art conservation.
My birthday was last week. For all the things that have changed in all these years, I'm still sitting in the passenger seats of cars and wondering how I ever got there and waiting for someone to say "just kidding, your life can start now. You've waited long enough."
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